Musings of the Immigrant [entries|friends|calendar] Aindrea userinfo        entries        friends        add        LJLayouts.org [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

All about the Ego, Freud [03 . 01 . 07] [ mood | calm ] [ music | Things you make me do [x] Devil Doll ] I believe thanks are in order. First, to Meghan, for introducing me to the greatness that is Devil Doll. Second, to my brother, who gave me the iTunes gift card for Christmas, which I am now using to download Devil Doll songs. Yay for jazz with attitude!! Tippy came into the restaraunt tonight. *sigh* That man is adorable. Tomorrow no work. More shopping with Meghan (I'll be broke soon...) Then I think I'm gonna spend the evening with my parents. Haven't seen much of either of them since we got back from California. Awh it was really sweet. Tonight at work, my boy Mike came up to me and pretended to mark on my nose with the marker and I was like "Mike, why did you do that? Is there any on my nose?" and he looked at me and went "You're really beautiful, you know that?" I got super shy and went in this little voice "really?" and he was like "yeah." It was just cute and made me feel really good. And considering the overly dramatic couple of days I've had with people trying to make me feel bad about myself, I sorta needed that. I love most of the people at work. We're all super tight. comment

[02 . 01 . 07] i feel depression creeping up on me. ew. read 1 . comment

seriously [01 . 01 . 07] why is it so freaking impossible to find a nice, NORMAL, laid back guy. what's with this town? good grief. comment

*sigh* [31 . 12 . 06] Dang. I can't believe it's already gonna be 2007. It's trippy to think about. This past year went by so fast. I've changed a lot as a person, physically as well as emotionally. I think mostly for the better. My room is a mess. An awful disaster. And I really just don't want to do anything about it. I feel totally unmotivated. I don't know. I feel kinda weird. off. today. comment

[30 . 12 . 06] back and forth and back and forth. all i'm doing is confusing myself. comment

I hate Neil Diamond [26 . 12 . 06] [ mood | sleepy ] I am so tired right now. Like, seriously. It's only 9:00 here (10:00 at home) and I feel like I could just fall asleep right this second. I have no idea why I'm so tired. We haven't done a whole lot since we've been here. Just a lot of visiting with people and lots and lots of eating. Meeh. So tomorrow we go home. Then Thursday Eric and I are spending the whole day together. I really like him, he's such a sweet guy. We've been talking just about everyday since our date, and we always have the best conversations. He's just so much fun to talk to and be around- and our personalities and seneses of humor are so similar. I'm really dreading him going back to Texas. But tonight on the phone I mentioned that I had a plane ticket floating around, since I'd cancelled my flight to England, and maybe I'd come see him. He was totally into that idea and said we could go to Corpus Christi, which is a really cool little beach town in Texas. He was very excited and was talking about how he gets 4 day weekends all the time and whatnot, so it would be perfect. It was kinda cute. But then I mentioned it to my mom and she said all that he was looking for was a roll in the sack, and that's what would happen if I went to Corpus Christi. First of all, I really don't think that's what he's after- I mean, okay, he's a guy, and it's something he wants, I'm aware of that and I accept it. But I just don't think it's #1 on his list. And second of all, if that's what I want to do, it's none of her damn business. But whatever. (Ew, my sister just turned on a Neil Diamond concert DVD. *insert gag here*) He also said that he definitely planned on staying in touch with me. Well, obviously, this was before the talk about me going and seeing him. I wouldn't have offered to go see him if the guy didn't want to remain close... yeah. God, I'm tired and not making sense. Spent the day with Tabatha. We had lunch with my mom and her friend's for her birthday and then we went shopping. I bought a really cute new purse and a hot top to wear on my date with Eric on Thursday. I had a lot of fun. I always have a lot of fun with Tabatha. She got a new Ford Expidition for Christmas and we had fun playing with the GPS system. After that we met my sister, dad, mom, grandma and grandpa at PF Chang's for a birthday dinner. Then Tabatha left and the rest of us came back to my sister's house for presents. Then I talked to Eric for a bit and now here I am. I know it's soon and I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but I really like this guy and I'm pretty excited. And it's pretty damn obvious that he really likes me and wants to spend as much time with me as he can. But still, I'm just going to see how it goes. I really want to get on myspace but my sister says it messes up her computer so I can't. :( I'm having withdrawls. comment

[21 . 12 . 06] So the new busser at work likes me. Seriously, I just met him yesterday and he asked my for my number. So we talked last night after work and he's realllly trying to work his stuff. He's a year behind me in school, we went to the same high school. And he's only 19. he's kinda short, but he's pretty cute. So I figured, what the hell, and gave him my number. But he's awful serious. he's asking me stuff like, what do I look for in a guy, what made me give him my number, am I willing to "try with him". Ugh. I wanted to say "dude, you're 19 years old. relax." But he was just such a little boy, it was so cute. I don't know. I just don't want to jump into anything right now. I mean, sure, I told him he could take me out when he asked, but if I meet another really great guy, I want to be able to get to know him, too. I just want TO MINGLE. It sucks. Guys never just want to date me and get to know me. They either want me for sex, or want to jump into a relationship right away. What gives? read 2 . comment

noooo [20 . 12 . 06] Awh man. I'm so depressed. I've gained like, 3 or 4 pounds back. :( Must get back on track. comment

Typical Tuesday [19 . 12 . 06] Today... I got in a fight with a book. And the book won. My mom and I did some Christmas shopping today and our first stop was Barnes and Noble. I always get my grandparents a calendar with pictures of Ireland on it for Christmas, every year. So I had to go there, and as we walked in my mom's best friend was walking out. So they ran to the little Starbucks inside the bookstore while I went off to find calendars. Also found a really cute one with little Boston Bull dogs on it. Got it for my mom, cause she loves those dogs. Then I got my dad a book about the history of immigrants in America (he loves that kinda stuff) and I went to the coffee shop after I'd paid. I wanted to show what I'd bought, and as I took the book out of the bag, it jerked or something and I popped myself in the mouth with it and ended up with a split lip. I sat there for like a minute with a napkin against my lip. Then I looked at my mom and her friend and just went "I got in a fight with a book... and the book won." That caused a few good laughs. Anyways. I totally pigged out today and it was bad. I just can't stooooopppp!!! Rawr. Whatever, it's Christmas. I can indulge a little bit. :P I really need to finish my Christmas shopping and do the wrapping. I hate wrapping presents. comment

What I learned today [19 . 12 . 06] [ mood | pleased ] Well, it seems that if you're a girl with a really nice rack, and you don't tend to show it off, but then you decide to do so one day, you end up getting a lot of attention from guys. This may also include the attention of two of the guy's you're crushing on. Yep. That was what I learned today. Texted Gabe for a while when I was at work, then some girls who used to work there came in so he decided to drop by. He was standing behind my chair talking to one of the girls and was rubbing my back. If he only knew. I'm sure he thinks I'm just a cute thing, way too young for him, that he just wants to mess around with. Whatever. He's only 27. Then Tippy came in, oh, dear God, Tippy. And he was all over me. First he was trying to give one of our friends, who was celebrating her birthday, the traditional birthday spankings, then came over and started spanking me (not very successfully, since I was sitting at a bar chair). Then I noticed that he was wearing a weird necklace so I grabbed at it and went "what's this for? so the ladies can pull you closer?" and I did so. And he said something funny and started rubbing his hands all over me. I asked him if he was drunk and he said "not at all, just one beer. why? am i touchier than usual?" I answered that, yes, he was. Then he asked if I liked it and replied "you know, I think I do..." And he just began running his hands all over my legs and hips and shoulders and back and I about passed out with happiness. Dude, whatever, it may seem sexist or something but I've had a huge crush on this guy for MONTHS. Probably a year. And Gabe was sitting right there, so I was surrounded by guys that I like who tend to pay me attention. I don't know. It basically made my day. I feel kind of odd making an entire entry about this but, seriously, who cares? It made me really happy. And ooooh! I finally worked up the nerve to ask Tippy for his number. Doubt I'll ever have the balls to call him. As bad as I want to... Going shopping with my dad tomorrow. For my mom. Well, I'm already done shopping for her. But for some reason my dad is incapable of shopping for the woman on his own. It's kinda cute. But I always enjoy it, because it's one of the only times all year that we spend time together, just the two of us. Then after that I have to mail Mick's little Christmas gift. Also have to find him a card. Then I have to finish Christmas shopping for Dad, Ryan, Meghan, Celeste, and Grandparents. Oh and Tabatha, too. Also need to get my car serviced and washed. Then tomorrow night, Celeste and her sister are coming over. We're going to watch movies and order pizza. Turns out, there aren't any good psychics in Yuma. I had a feeling. Maybe I'm the only good psychic around? Haha. Today at work, the new girl told me my makeup looked really pretty. And that she also really liked my eyebrows. People tell me this, about my eyebrows. I don't get it. They're totally just normal. And actually, really furry if I let them go. But it's funny, even STACEEE likes them. :P I miss my Meghanjew. COME HOME! read 4 . comment

bad music, good dancing. [17 . 12 . 06] [ mood | dead ] Well that was a good weekend. I'm pretty damn tired from making the long trip two days in a row, but it was worth it. The party was a blast. There are few things better in this world than dancing in a mansion with your brother (who, incidentally, is as big of a dork as you are) and being as goofy as possible- the sad thing is that I was totally sober, he was two large glasses of vodka in, and I was still as retarded as he was. There was a palm reader at the party. I must say, she was dead on. She looked at my hand for like, one second then went "you're a very emotional girl..." then later she was like "you like to know why. Why, why why why? With everything, especially in relationships. You're an information gatherer." She also said that my life purpose is "Passionate Innovator" and that means I'm an artist out of the spotlight, someone who wants their life to be their canvas, and I don't want anyone else's life to be like mine. Which is pretty dead on. She also said my sister was, and I quote, "like Madonna in Mother Theresa's clothing." I about crapped myself. It was beyond accurate. My sister looked beautiful, and I can't believe she's really 30. She got pretty smashed, and hardly drank anything, but this was because there was NO FOOD AT THE PARTY. We were told there would be dinner, but uh, yeah, someone lied. So I had to drive the drunkies (sis, bro, and bro in law) home after the party in my sister's brand new, top of the line Acura, which I was terrfied I'd crash, because it was 2am my time and I was exhausted. Then Fes (bro in law) demanded that I take them to Del Taco and told me how to get there. Apparently, Del Taco is where all the drunks go late on Saturday nights. The line was huge. But it was hilarious with my sister about to puke in the back seat and my brother calling out his old drunken call "Maritha... Maritha, come get me. Maritha, I'm drunk," just for memory's sake. Oh, yeah, our sister's name is Marisa, and he just added the lisp in for drunkenness. We got our food and chowed down. It was good stuff. I was way tired though. After August, their going to have to find a new Designated Driver. Hell, yes. I looked really nice and did my makeup all spiffy and shit. But none of the pictures came out good, so, you'll just have to imagine me. My dress was beautiful and my shoes were possibly the sexiest shoes ever designed. But they hurt like hell. All right. That's enough scatter-brained entry-ness for now. Tomorrow is my first official day of winter break. I am so sleeping in. You have no idea. Then Tuesday, Celeste and I want to go see a psychic. And I have lots of Christmas shopping to finish up. comment

Why hide it? [15 . 12 . 06] [ mood | predatory ] Good God. When he teases me like that and wraps his arms around me all tight and makes fun of me, then says personal things to me in that incredibly deep and tantalizing voice... it literally drives me stupid; and makes me wish we weren't in the middle of our work shift. read 2 . comment

yeah, so? [15 . 12 . 06] [ mood | frustrated ] School is finally over for the semester. Thank God. I'm really happy about that, but I'm kind of already wondering what I'm going to do with myself for 4 whole weeks until classes start up again. I just need to enjoy it. Been hanging out with MegHan tons lately. We always have such a good time. Also, Ben and I keep missing each other. The guy is impossible to get hold of, and he doesn't call me often since he's working 7 days a week right now. But after today that's supposed to settle down. I hope so. Apparently last night he went into my work to see me, but, uh, I had to day off and couldn't go in just to hang out because I had to help my mom with a bunch of stuff around the house. And now I don't even know if he really went in. He never answers his freaking phone. >| I want to hang out with him sooo bad. So I sent him a message on myspace today, we'll see if I hear from him. So work tonight. Then I'm gone this weekend for Marisa's big birthday party. I'm excited. Indeed. Back to getting ready, now. comment

and when the stars fall, i will lie awake [13 . 12 . 06] [ mood | drained ] After a long, tiring day, I wandered in the cold. My eyes were heavy and my thoughts were cloudy. The cold air danced around me and clung to my skin; I folded my arms against my body to shield from the chilly breeze. A star blazed across the sky and instantly, I thought of you. That throbbing pain has turned into a mere, dull ache. I anxiously await the day it's nothing more than a sad memory, among the many others. comment

poor the champagne [12 . 12 . 06] [ mood | lazy ] Mick IMed me earlier tonight. He's home and back online. It was... good to talk to him. Both got some feelings out, and this time it was calmer than it was when we talked on the phone last week, so that was good. I'm not mad at him anymore. I'm just mad because things didn't go the way I had been so hoping that they would. I cried. Of course I cried. I always cry when it comes to that boy. I'm totally okay and everything, but, yeah. Word of advice: Never try to fool yourself into believing you're over someone when you're really not. It'll just hit you like a load of bricks. So no, I'm not over him, but I have picked myself up, and I am moving on. It's likely that I'll carry those special feelings for him always. And if not always... for a really long time. But... we will always have a great friendship. That's something neither of us will let change. Only two final exams left to go. Ugh. Thank God. Got my right tragus pierced tonight. It hurt like a mofo and I don't like the earring the guy put in. Ah well, one month from now I can switch it out with a better one. It's still sore. Egh. But I love having my traguses (tragusi?) pierced. It's very me. Also, I spent a whole lot of money on myself today. It felt... amazing! I got the coooolest shirt ever and THE SEXIEST SHOES. Clothes are a girls best friend... fuck diamonds. I love my MegHan. <3 And. I want to talk to Bennnnnn! :/ comment

Looking for it [11 . 12 . 06] [ mood | blank ] You're a song Written by The hands of God Don't get me wrong This might sound To you a bit odd But you're the place Where all my thoughts Go hiding Right under your clothes Is where I'll find them Underneath your clothes There's an endless story There's the man I chose There's my territory And of all the things I deserve For being such A good girl honey Because of you I forgot the Smart ways to rhyme Because of you I'm running out of Reasons to cry When the friends are gone When the party's over We'll still belong To each other Underneath your clothes There's an endless story There's the man I chose There's my territory And of all the things I deserve For being such A good girl honey read 2 . comment

[08 . 12 . 06] [ mood | calm ] I'm in dire need of a new computer, right? So I go to Circuit City today just to see what they've got, and I'm looking and a guy just a little older than me comes over and starts answering my questions and all that good stuff. He was totally helpful and I think I might have even found a computer I can afford with a little help from my parents. It's sooo cute! It's one of those little laptops (unlike my monstrous one) and I looove it. It's a Toshiba. So I need to talk to my parents a little more about it and see what happens. I just want to still have some money left over to buy everyone nice Christmas gifts. And. Uh. The salesman? Would NOT stop looking at my boobs. Fer reals. Maybe I'll wear an even lower cut shirt when I go back to buy it and he'll give me a sweet deal. Haha. Ugh. Time to go to work. The owner of Outback Steakhouse INC (not just our store... the reallll owner) is going to be at our store tonight so all the managers are going to be freaking out on everyone, especially us hostesses. I'm not too excited about that. Ugh. Hopefully I'll survive. TOMORROW OFF! Girl day/night with Meghan. MegHHHHHAN. I'm sooo exciterated. read 2 . comment

me love you long time [07 . 12 . 06] [ mood | exhausted ] -Classes are finally over. After next week I'm free. -Was able to get the weekend for my sister's 30th birthday bash off. Thank God, I need to party. -My feet hurt. -I love the boys at work. They are my boys and I would protect them with my life. -I'm tired. -I don't have school tomorrow and don't have to be at work until 4:30 so I'm just going to be totally lazy and it's going to be sooo fabulous. I can't wait for it. I'm going to, sleep in until like, 8:30 or 9:00 read and lounge and watch TV and movies and enjoy every minute of it. I haven't had a day like that in months. -I'm thinking of making a trip to Phoenix the first or second week of January. It all depends on what's good for all my friends up there and if I'll get a few days in a row off work. Should be fun. Haven't seen a lot of people in a really, really long time. -Christmas shopping needs to be done at some point. As well as Ris' bday gift. What to buy, what to buy???? -I have the munchies. And yep. That's what's up with me. Now... I must nap on the couch. read 4 . comment

almost there [06 . 12 . 06] [ mood | okay ] *phew* I'm done with all my stupid final projects for school. Thank God. Now all I have to worry about is a couple final exams. One of them I don't need to worry about at all, the other I may not even have to take if my grade is high enough and my math one is the only one I have to worry about. I have to leave for work soon and I really don't want to. But then again, I really, really do. It will be interesting to see if Ben comes in to see me tonight. I have a feeling he wont. I've learned not to expect too much from the opposite sex. We'll see what happens. I just want to take a nap, dude. I also wish that Celeste still worked with me. We used to laugh so much at work, now I hardly ever laugh there. Meeeh. comment

I'm going to kick life's ass! [05 . 12 . 06] [ mood | lazy ] You know, after talking to Mick this morning, I feel so much better. I don't really even feel that upset with him anymore. He did what he had to do, and if I'd been the one to do it, I'd want him to be understanding with me. I know he didn't do it to hurt me, and I could tell in his voice how much he was hurting and just wanted to really BE with me, for real. So now, I can't imagine not being close with him, I sent him a text telling him a little bit about this, about how I'm not really upset with him anymore and that staying close is a given. He didn't reply, because it was like 1am his time. But before that I had sent him one asking if we were still exchanging Christmas gifts and he replied right away saying that he planned to send mine still. I'm guessing my text woke him up and the others didn't. Heh. Anyways. Got some math homework done. "Happy Feet" is a very cute movie. I love penguins SO MUCH. If I didn't live in such a hot place, I'd totally get one. Saw the movie with mom. She also took me shopping for new jeans, since the ones I have are hanging off of my after all my weight loss. So I got two pairs (buy one, get the second for $1!!) and I also got a nice warm coat, since it looks like it's going to be an unusually cold winter. Now all I have to do is that stupid observation for Human Growth and Development and I'M FREE! Well, except for studying for my exams this coming week. SATURDAY OFF this weekend, woohoo!! Also, I talked to Anahi today. She said Ben told her boyfriend how we talked and that I seem really nice and he's going to come into Outback to see me. Ooooh I hope hope hoooope he does! That would be great fun. He hasn't called me, but you know how guys are. 3 day rule and all that jazz. Blah. So yeah, I'm feeling much better, much more at ease. In other news: I NEED TO GO CHRISTMAS SHOPPING! I haven't had the time or any clue what to get anyone. I do know that I'm getting my mom an iPod shuffle and the special edition of "The Green Mile" for my brother, since it's like his favorite movie ever. Other than that, for my dad, brother, sister, grandparents, Meghan, Tabatha, Celeste and some other people at work... I HAVE NO CLUE! I also need to get Mick a little something more. I got him something little to give him when I was going to be there, since my being there was basically his present. So I'm just going to get him something neat and small and send it along with the other thing and a neat card or something. Mmm hmmm. Lots to do. I'm off to nap for a bit, or at least kick back, before I get started on that freaking HGD assignment. Ugggh! Love to all <3 comment

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